Malblogia @ The UnHolyland

2009-11-14T17:13:00.000-08:00

So Nanowrimo's here again. Pardon the low post count, but I've been, like really busy.
But what was, until recently my favorite time of year is here again and I've been writing a novel for the past two weeks. Only thing is I hate it.
It fucking sucks.
I started, having this great idea all year long, then abandoning it the last second before day 1 because I thought it was too similar to one of my favorite cartoon shows. So i came up with another idea and got really excited about that about a week before November. I actually wrote the first few chapters during week one.
That sucked. It was going to be shit, I could tell, I couldn't inject suspense into every day situations more than a handful of times, which was what I needed to do for a whole book.

So then I tried Project: Gold My unicorn story. The story I've begun several times, and each one I get fed up and hate it and I quit.
Great choice right?
The characters are all on dimensional, the dialogue jumps around to whatever I feel like, and I hate writing it. I HATE IT!
I hate it more than I.M. Meen hates clever children...
So I'm thinking of quitting.
I'm a municipal liaison, one of the people in charge, this year but it sucks. Everything I tried to do fell through because I didn't have enough time with work. and since I live out of town, i can't go to the write ins they have during the week. and since Beeville is such a shitstain, there's no place therein i can write comfortably. I don't even enjoy the NAnowrimo meetings anymore. I sat through the one today just wishing everyone would shut up and leave me alone.
I used to live for the meetings.

Maybe I'm just having a shitty day. Some buttfucked peice of human cuntswallop woke me up at god knows what time on SATURDAY!!!! by tapping on my bedroom window. I ignored the hell out of whoever the dumb fucker was, but they still woke me up, ruined my sleep, and I guess My whole day.
Now all I can think of is hatred and rage.
fuck this shit.

So I'm thinking of quitting. part of me knows that If I do, this story will have bested me again, but If i don't I may never want to try to write this story the right way.
Project gold won't really work as a novel, because I intended it to be a videogame. so what do I do? keep writing something which will, inevitably be worthless?
Maybe it's not about the destination, it's about the journey, but right now, I really need to have something in hand to validate my tremendous exertions.
I'll let you know what I decide... fuckers

Old Man Yells at Cloud

2009-09-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

Dissidia: A Conflicted review by a conflicted gamer.

Dissidia, latin for ‘conflict’ or some shit, is an apt name for a game that causes me so much cognitive dissonance I've considered getting a corpus callostomy. But enough with the psychology jokes. Yes, it’s by Square Enix, whose games are fairly consistently fun to play, but horrible if you have any intent to understand the story. It features like 20 or so guys, many of whom you may know, and those you don’t look cool enough to try out for the first time. The game’s main advertising point is that you‘re supposed to choose your side in the “eternal conflict.” It even comes with a nifty reversible cover art, depending on whether or not you wanna play as a good or bad guy.

So is it a good game? In other words, should you buy it?

Well for a game with so much emphasis on choosing your side there is no option to play story mode on the bad guys side (which, I’m estimating, at least HALF of Dissidia buyers will want to do).

"What will you fight for?" the tagline asks, as long as you choose to fight for good.

Sure you can play as almost everyone in the arcade and quick battle modes, but it's no good without the bad guys story, in my opinion.

To add to that limit of characters, you may not be able to play as your favorite good guy right off the bat. Apparently not all good guys are created equal, and the difficulty for each character seems arbitrarily assigned, with Hero of light and Terra being the highest difficulty and Tidus and Cloud being the easiest (take THAT, fanboys; apparently Cloud’s something of a pussy, eh?).

Maybe I shouldn’t be complaining that Bad guys can’t play story mode, because the story really sucks. I mean with a game like this, you knew it would suck, but SERIOUSLY. Be prepared to skip every cutscene after the intro one (which, by the way, is very cool and really looks like the gameplay, and has absolutely nothing to do with the story[which may be the secret to its coolness]). A little aside, but Squenix’s writers don’t seem to get that nobody can care about their characters and their shallow inner conflicts until after we’ve been through shit with them, and even the most die hard fan hasn’t played most of those old games in a while.

The gameplay, as with pretty much every squeenix game (not counting FFXII, that snore-fest), is fun, challenging and layered. Casual gamers can button mash against easy enemies, and hardcore ones can master every single aspect of combat. AND THERE ARE A LOT. There’s a buncha shit to remember, but start with either Tidus or Cloud, and you’ll learn it at a good pace. It’s definitely not your average fighting game, and characters have extensive customization options, ranging from skills to equipment to summons (don’t think mini-movie summons like in the other games; these summons are just pictures and effects, the way I feel summons are supposed to be) and most items can be shared with everyone.

There are some additional behind the battle aspects to the game, but like all the other final fantsy games, they're really hard to grasp at first. That's okay, though since they're really just the keys to getting better stuff after you know what you're doing.

As far as extra features go, there’s not a whole lot. Online play is online play. There are passwords that unlock “friend cards” bearing the names of other characters from FF games (don’t be fooled—these cards will NOT allow you to fight against or as their namesakes—they are simply high level CPU players of characters already in the game). Friend cards are also used so you can fight CPU controlled copies of your IRL friends’ equipment setup.

The only unlockables are 2 secret characters; Gabranth for the villains (from FFXII, the worst game ever made) and Some little midget scarecrow (an NPC from FFXI). There is also one (1) change of clothes for every character. Doesn't really matter; they all dress like fags anyway. J/K! I am such a bitch!

Now for the most important part of my Review: Constructive Criticism!

With a name like Final Fantasy, there’s no chance that this is the last Dissidia we’ll be seeing.

First of let me start by saying, WHY IN TH EFUCK WAS THIS GAME NOT MADE FOR PS3?!?!?!! IT gets kind of hard to see on the PSP’s small screen when enemies run or are flung way the hell away, but this problem is easily fixed if you have a component output cord and an HDTV. World of difference. Also, the control scheme could use more buttons.

Second, when I first heard about this game, I envisioned “Final Smash Fantasy: Brawl.” As it is, it’s pretty close, but something I would like to see are diversions like “Race to the finish” and/or “Break the targets.”

Finally, in this day and age, how can you make a PSP game without DLC? Especially one of this nature? Give us some extra levels, or modes, or something.

So buy or not? Well, I’d say yes; on the contition that you are okay with leveling up th ebad guys through arcade mode and taking forever and not playing story mode as bad guys. FYI: I’m not buying it.

How John Hates Beeville pt.1

2009-08-19T06:57:00.000-07:00

(I wrote it using my internet name, because of the meter)

All the hicks down in Beeville liked Beeville a lot. But Ensis, who'd just moved to Beeville... did NOT.
Ensis hated Beevile, the whole Beeville City--now please don't ask why, but It's really a pity.
It could be the scores of overweight whores. IT could be the seven bars and zero bookstores.
But I think that the most likely reason in sight, may have been that it's so boring come Friday night.
But whatever the cause of his scowl or his frown, Ensis sat on the internets hating the town.
Staring out from his apartment window he'd glower at the great big, enormous Beeville water tower.
For even the tapwater, here in Beeville, was shitty, and vile, adn tasted like swill.
"And the library is closed after six..." Ensis thought. "Tonight is Friday! My week's all but shot!"
Then he cursed, with his Ensis-teeth viciously gnashing, "I somehow must find a party worth crashing!"
But tonight, Ensis knew, all the dumb Beeville hicks would head to the bars--and they'd play with their dicks!
And he cursed their name, "Oh, those pricks, pricks, Pricks, PRICKS!!!"
That's one thing he hated; he and hicks did not mix.
Then the Bee's, young and old, would sit down and drink. They'd drink jungle juice from a dirty old sink.
Which was something about which Ensis did not want to think!
But then they did something that got him really mad!
Every single Bee-villain, thinking they were all bad,
would get in their cars, praying that they would start,
And the dumb Beeville Jerkoffs would go to Wal-Mart!
And they'd shop and they'd shop, and they'd shopshopShopSHOP!
And the more Ensis thought of this lame Friday shop, the more Ensis thought, "It must come to a stop!
I can't drive to Corpus; it's too late by now! But I must use this night to do something... but HOW?"

info: there will never be a part 2

It's OVER!

2009-06-28T17:19:00.000-07:00

WLT Conference: Final Score

Agents Queried: 5
Agents acepted: 3
Book propsals given out: 2/5
Business cards accepted: 6
Buiness cards given: 8
Meals paid for @ hotel: 0
Drinks paid for at hotel: 6
Forks: 21
Single day fork score: 16

Hours of sleep... don't ask.

I'll start posting some of the things I learned after I've had a while to rest and process the data...

Conference: Final day

2009-06-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

Well, the conference is over. I got 2 agents who asked to see UHA (one of them took my proposal) and one just took a proposal. I also got some leads on other agents.

All in all, I was very pleased. I met a lot of new people, learned some great things, and have a few prospects to check into for the future.
Oh, and I didn't find out 'till the last day that my room dfirectly overlooks my Mom's old work, HealthSouth, where I used to hang out as a kid.

Gonna screw around the city a little, then head home and post a full update there.
Thanks for reading!

Day 2 :Part 2

2009-06-27T23:17:00.000-07:00

So I've already learned a lot, much of which I plan to put into practice shortly. The seminars are great, with a lot of material I plan to sift through and post later, But so far the best one I've been to was the one about graphic novelry with Alan J. Porter, Tony Salvaggio, and Rick Klaw.

Basic Rundown: Nothing is concrete; every editor takes queries in a different way, manuscript formatting is not imperative, and self publishing can be a viable way of getting your work exposure.

But the allure is twofold for me--the graphic aspect and the challege. I'd done some research on graphic novels in the past and actually tried to write one of the scripts; its very difficult.

In other news, I had my agent meeting today with the very gracious Cameron McClure. I thought I had bombed when she told me how confused she was over my plotline, but she asked to see the first twenty pages (probably on account of my killer book proposal...).

Day 2: WLT

2009-06-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Well, Day 2 is going a bit more smoothly. The seminars are good (I got a lot of good tips for this blog, as a matter of fact) and I finally got the internet thing fixed.

I'm up to seventeen forks now, and I've even spoken to some other authors and agents. Looking forward to my official consultation with Miss Cameron McClure at 2:55pm, So if you happen to look at the clock today adn notice that its around that time, toss back a beer for me. You know, I should really get some more liquor; this is supposed to be a vacation, after all...

More to come.

PS--
I've made a lot more videos during my hiatus, but this is the best one:

All the vocals are done by me. That's right, I can sing AND edit audio.

The WLT Coverage Begins!

2009-06-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Well, it's day one of the conference here at teh Sheraton Austin Hotel, and so far all I've managed to do is steal a fork. My personal computer won't work with internet due it being double booked wioth someone else's IP address. So posts may turn out to be dissappointing. I'm writing currently from a courtesy terminal in the lobby.

First impressions are not good. The "exhibition hall" is reminiscent of a high school job fair, only twice as depressing. Seven little tables with cheap graphics store banners and vanity press books. most of them are for vanity presses(I can't get too close, or else they'll talk to me, so I'm just assuming).

The cocktail party, in progress as I type this entry, features many fine appetizers but is full to bursting with people. And it's antisocial John all over again. I really should have seen this coming; It's just that I can't bring myself to speak to anyone. What do I say to them? I can't tell them about myself; I don't really want them to know anything, and I CERTAINLY don't want to hear their fucking shpiel about their boring ass self.

So whatever. Great way to waste $400. But I came here to unwind at the very least, so fuck it I'm going swimming.

*UPDATE: I just went back to the reception and stoel 2 more forks. I'm gonna return and see if I can get three, Like Jacks.

*UPDATE 2: I stole 3 and then four. I have a pocket full of nine forks. This is getting too easy. I'll have to find another way to keep myself amused. (Don't worry, I'm not gonna keep the forks. I'll leave them in my room when I check out; They don't match my flatware.)

Antebellum

2009-06-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

You know, I started this blog with the intent of writing every day, and not caring whether people read it or not. Well, now I have a job that forces me to write every day and I'm using my blog for promotion, so it has turned out to be exactly the opposite of what it was intended to be.

That's not so bad a thing. Except that, in order to raise the quality of posts and make pictures and videos, I've had to spend more time on each, or at least, I've been pressuring myself to. But somewhere in the confusion I have let Malblogia slide into the realm of the forgotten. This is my first update in months.

But with the Literary conference tomorrow, I have a mission. Get UHA published (above, you se the cover sheet/ poster for my proposal, yay!) and I promised myself and my Freinds at Nanowrimo that I would provide coverage of hte event in as close an approximation to journalistic style as I can muster.

But we'll see how that turns out.

Anyway, sleep well Dark Paladin for tomorrow you die!

Special Post on Location!

2009-03-20T13:46:00.000-07:00

Howdy, Internet!

Your correspondent with a special report on location from SPRING BREAK 2009! I'm typing live from the courtesy computer terminal of teh Holiday inn on Mustang Island. Loads of Fun!

how ever did i get off work, you ask? Well, let's just say those kids aren't always out of line for breaking the rules...

More To Come!

*Update!

Wow. A much later update, but still. I had more fun than I have in a long time, and as the ICING on spring break-cake, Pokemon came out on the last Day!

Don't remember if I've mentioned this on here before, but I'm going to the WLT Literary Conference in June to pitch UHA. and I'm currently refining my book proposal and manuscript.

Anyway, hre's my latest Video.

Okay... another long time...

2009-02-22T18:42:00.000-08:00

..but I'm back again, adn with good news to boot!

I am the proud owner (well technically renter, but no time for semantics) of my own apartment AND--here's the good part--I have INTERNET, LOL, INTERNET.

So posts from now on should be a little more frequent adn meatier.

Speaking of which, my latest Youtube poop is hot off hte... toilet. Proverbial toilet, that is.

In any case, feast your eyes on, "YTPMV: Part of MAH BOIII- Fulversion!"

Enjoy!

More a little later, when a few of my *secret plans are coming together....

WOW! It's been a long time...

2009-01-19T09:34:00.000-08:00

...but I'm back again. Work ha made progress on my projects slow, plus I don't have internet at home, so there has been little to post of late.

But I have a surprise...

Like it? It's a tree made out of cow bones. My cousin and I made it as a gift for our grandparents. They freaking loved it! And it was so much fun, crushing all those bones!

In other news, I have another poop: YTPMV: Ballad of the King

It had been bouncing around in my head for a while, good to get it out.

And finally... I read UHA3. And It was good. There's still a lot of work to be done, but More later.
Throw more irons in the fire, and stoke up the flames--I've got some new secret plans to complete...

Coming Soon...

2008-12-11T15:36:00.001-08:00

Have a Chrispy, Chrunchy Christmas!

2008-12-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

photo courtesy homestarrunner.com

Curse my soul, I'm getting in the Season! Decemberween, here we come! I finally have money to by good gifts, but I'm still being cheap, Heh heh heh...

In other news, I have forbade myself from reading UHA3 until January at least. So for December: VideoGames!

YESH!

Bye for now!

I've done it!

2008-11-29T23:33:00.000-08:00

The saga is at last complete.
This is my third NaNoWriMo win in three years. Here are some pics (of me).
Also, I have lost the ability to type coherent or interesting things. Now I can do other things.
Like this: My latest You Tube Poop...

Who teh Fuck is PINGAS?!

The latest excerpt from UHA3

2008-11-14T20:26:00.000-08:00

The heater turned off. Honey shivered in her sleep—shivered so hard she woke herself up. Suddenly there was a crinkling sound and something light and airy fell on her. Its surface was cold to the touch, but she could feel it reflecting warmth from her body back in towards her. She rolled over and looked up. A chrome space blanket was draped over her.
Victor stood over her, swaying slightly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“You’re welcome,” Victor said. “I mean, good morning,” he corrected, shaking his head. He shifted his weight on his feet, stumbling slightly.
She sat up. “How did you find me?”
“By marching all night,” he said, swaying some more. His face looked drawn and greasy.
“…you didn’t sleep?”
“sleep is for wea— the suc— a lose— shut up!” Honey watched him sway, and couldn’t help but feel a little touched.
“Well, go back to fisty-town, or whatever its called. Hang with the mayor! Join the museum!” her guts twisted themselves with guilt. She stood up. “Cant’ you see I’ve been trying to lose you since the island? I don’t need your help! I can do it by myself! I don’t need you!” Wrapping a hand around the wooden sword, she pulled it from its place in her belt and flung it on the ground in front of him. She turned and marched away through the cold air.
“You don’t need me?” Victor asked. Honey stopped. “Need me? NEED ME? YOU don’t need MEE?!” He walked slowly toward her, fatigue replaced with outrage. “You commandeered my boat. Forced me to abandon it. Convinced me o stow away on a cruise ship. Helped me steal a jet. Helped me steal fuel for the jet. Made me take you out of UNT territory, got me stranded in some fishing-town, and then made me come after you when you ran away! You? Need ME? I don’t think so, sister.” He put a hand on her shoulder and turned her around to face him. “I need you. Because I have no Idea how I’m gonna get out of this mess without you.”
She smiled, a tear rolling down her face, and hugged him. They turned and walked away, arm in arm.
“Plus, I’m gonna need somebody to blame it on,” Victor said.
Honey hit him.

2008-11-03T20:27:00.000-08:00

This is, without question, the best celebration I have ever been to… she thought to herself, sitting on the sunny patio of a waterfront taco dive. There’s no patronizing guests to get in the way of my good time… The waves lapped agains the concrete rubble of the seawall a few yards away. The evening sun shone mildly on her porcelain skin, the soft, salty breeze blew through her wavy black hair. She leaned back in her chair and lifted a beer to her ruby red lips. One woman party. Best party ever…

“Hey, gorgeous, is this seat taken?”

She tipped her sunglasses down her nose to glare at the interloping gate-crasher. Water ran in rivulets down his grinning face as he set down a lumpy bag with snorkeling supplies hanging out of the top. He may have been cute when he was dry, but right now he looked like a soaked rat. His wet dress shirt clung to his chest, clashing loudly with his festive board shorts. He sat down in the chair next to her and signaled for another two drinks.

“Normally, I wouldn’t presume to interrupt, but this is kind of a special day for me,” he said, still grinning. Silence passed as they stared at each other. “Aren’t you going to ask me why?” he said after a while.

“Oh yeah,” she snarked, “that’s what I want, to interrupt MY celebration to talk about you…” she took a sulky sip of water.

“Okay,” he replied, “let’s talk about you. What’s your name?”

She glared at him. “Honey.”

“Honey? Wow, that’s a… unique name…”

“—It’s short for Honorea. But I hate Honorea. So I ask everyone to call me Honey. Which I guess is only slightly better…”

“Well, do you have a last name, Honey?”

“Not for you,” she said with a pointed look, grabbing a beer from the waiter.

“Well my name’s Victor. Victor Vega.”

“Wait a minute!” somebody yelled from the other side of the patio. Two shirtless, light haired youths approached—one tall and stocky, the other short and skinny.

“Victor ‘The Loser’ Vega?” the skinny one smirked, elbowing his chunky friend in the ribs. “I graduated high school with this guy! He was always digging in the dirt all the time. The guy thought he was some kind of architect—”

“Archaeologist,” Victor corrected. “So how’s college, Mike?”

“wouldn’t you lke to know, being a lower-class washout!”

“You went to high school with a clod?” Mike’s chunky friend piped up.

“Yes I did, Colby. His dad was the janitor, so they had to let him inta the god school!” the two of them fell all over each other laughing.

“So, loser, find any thing good? Anything you can trade for food?” Mike asked. Colby made a grab for Victor’s lumpy bag, but Victor snatched it away.

The drawstring opened just enough and a little wooden sword tumbled out, crusted with algae and mud. Victor snatched it up and stuffed it back in his bag.

“Hah, must be hard to part with when it’s your only possession in the world!”

“Well, I’d be happy to do your homework for money; I know you’d never understand it.”

“yeah, I’ll bet you’d love to do my homework, you clod nerd!” Mike and Colby collapsed on top of each other, laughing.

“you guys are so gay for each other,” honey said with detached cool. “It’d be cute if you weren’t so ugly.”

Mike and Cloby straightened up. “Say, Loser, aren’t you gonna introduce us to your low-class lady over here?” Mike sat down across the table from her and grabbed her water glass. “I’d be happy to show you how the other half lives… for a night.” He took a long drink from the half empty glass and got a face full of ice.

Victor and Honey started laughing uncontrollably.

Mike growled. “Shut up, you little whore!”

“Hey!” Victor stood, suddenly, “Don’t talk to her like that!”

“What are you gonna do about it?” Colby said, stepping forward.

“Boys, boys!” Honey said calmly. She stood up slowly and took off her sunglasses. “There’s better ways to solve your problems than by fighting.” She smiled ever so slightly “How about a boat race?”

Mike smiled. He grabbed Colby by the arm and took off.

Victor dug in his pocket and slapped a moist fifty dollar bill on the table.

“You do have a boat, don’t you?” Honey asked, sliding up next to him.

“Well, yeah, it’s that one. But—” She grabbed his hand and ran off toward the crumbled concrete seawall where a battered old john-boat was tethered to a protruding piece of rusted rebar. She jumped in wordlessly, and began to prime the engine.

Victor tossed his bag in and untied the moorings. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Honey looked at him pointedly. “Stop being a wimp and get in!” he stepped into the boat. She pulled the ripcord and the outboard motor roared to life, sending a flurry of bubles to the surface. She backed them away from the seawall just as Mike and Colby pulled up alongside them in a shining chrome fanboat.

“First one to the buoy and back is the winner.” He leered at the rusty bucket sitting next to them. “Ready? Three… Two…”

Honey twisted the rudder handle, the john-boat went shooting out into the bay.

“Hey! You cheating bitch!” Mike yelled. Colby he jammed the throttle stick down and took off after them.

Wind blasted past Victor’s ears as he and Honey rocketed across the shining surface of the water.

“You know, this whole bay used to be a city?” he screamed conversationally.

“Really?” Honey said, keeping her eyes on the prize, “I couldn’t tell for all the half submerged bildings.”

The fanboat swooped in from the right, easily overtaking them, zooming out in front and staying there. The wind from the fan made Victor’s lips flap in the wind. He looked over at Honey. She was biting down on hers.

“Go right!” Victor yelled.

“What?” she screamed back.

“I have a plan!” She jerked the rudder to the left and the boat skidded right, over the wake left by the fanboat. “Aim for the space between those two towers!”

The fanboat followed, predictably, but gained at tremendous speed. Both boats neared the towers.

“Now go left!” Victor yelled, “Around the left tower!”

“Why?”

“Hurry!”

Honey jerked the ruddr and the boat shot to the left, narrowly avoiding the broken glass of the building. The fanboat, without a rudder, went straight between the towers. There was a screeching sound. Its bow dipped below the surface of the water and Mike and Colby were pitched out into the salty brine. The fanboat started to snk.

“Ha-Ha! I told you! There’s an old antenna between those towers! Dangerous! Must be ten boats sunk in that spot!”

Honey Smiled and pored on the throttle anew, aiming for the buoy.

“Wait! Shouldn’t we go back and help them?” Victor yelled over the wind. Honey stared straight toward the horizon. The buoy was close. A few more meters…

They flew past it, dislodging a few angry seabirds as they went.

“Okay, now we turn back,” Victor said. But Honey kept going, a satisfied grin on her face. “Honey, listen… we need to go back…” Victor cajoled, moving closer so he wouldn’t have to yell as loud. But Honey kept right on going.

A huge cruise ship loomed in front of them, just leaving port. Honey swerved in and out of its massive wake, laughing merrily as she did so.

“Honey, I’m telling you—“

The little motorboat began to overtake the massive cruiser, drawing up alongside it. Honey waved to the few passengers out on deck.

The motor cut out. Honey glared down at the rudder, shook it a couple of times, and pulled the cord.

“That’s what I was trying to tell you,” Victor said. “We ran outta gas.” Honey frowned at him.

“Oh well,” she said. She stuck her arms in the water and started rowing with her arms toward the big cruiser.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, you don’t want to swim to shore, do you?” she said, reaching across the water for an access ladder and pulling the motorboat closer to the ship’s hull. She started to climb up the side of the ship.

“But wait! This is a rental!” Victor protested as he watched her go. He sighed, grabbing his bag. “I’m never gonna see that deposit again…” He truculently followed her up.

The deck of the ship was oddly flat and rectangular, with a bug square tower sticking out of the middle. They climbed under the railing and looked around. There wa a plane at the aft of the ship. None of the other passengers seemed to notice that they were stowaways.

The sun had set and people were moving belowdecks.

“We should find a place to spend the night,” said Victor, yawning.

“What are you, tired?” Honey said, glaring at victor. “Who could sleep after that?”

“Give me a break,” Victor whined, “I’ve been working all day.”

“Have it your own way,” Honey replied, and she marched off toward the plane at the end of the ship’s deck. Victor followed.

Under th ewing of the plane she sat and began to make camp. Victor sat down beside her, pulling a space blanket out of his bag.

“It’ll get cold on the water in the dark,” he said, unfurling the chrome sheet.

She turned to look at him. “If yo touch me in the night, I’m going to break your nose,” she said.

Victor’s eyes opened wide in surprise before he regained his composure. “Fine,” he said, “I’ll just go sleep under the other wing. And I’ll take my blanket with me.” He athered up his things and settled under the other wing of the plane. He pulled a lump of dirty clothes from his bag, fluffed it up, and laid his head on it like a pillow.

Honey turned to face the other way and curled up in a fetal position.

Well this has been an eventful day… she thought. I wonder if anyone suspects..? The wind picked up as the ship moved further and further out into open water. Suddenly, Honey became painfully aware of how cold she was. She looked over at Victor, already asleep. I can’t crawl under that blanket now; he’ll think I’m a hypocrte… She got up and crept over to where his bag lay, hoping t find something useful within. She sutck her arm in and brushed something that felt dirty. It startled her. Probably that old wooden sword… she thought. She pulled her arm out and looke inside. There was the sword, but it didn’t look dirty at all. It almost seemed to shimmer in the darkness.

She reached out a finger and touched it again. A tingle went dwn her arm. She pulled away quickly.

There was nothing useful in the bag, so she decided to commandeer the cushions fom some deck chairs nearby.

@}%~

First few weeks on the Job

2008-11-03T16:28:00.001-08:00

Hello, loyal readers
readers
reader my future self,

I've been at my new job for two weeks now, and I'm really happy to have something to do. It's nice having an office, even if it means a lot fewer blog posts.

But I'm back for Halloween! Not only Halloween, but I'm starting NaNoWriMo 2008 at midnight! The first group meeting is on the first, so I'll be down for that, too.

I swore off editing since the last time I put down UHA (I was getting rather burnt out) so when I commence UHA #3 I'll hopefully be well rested and ready to create a whole new world!

And then, Monday I've got more Job training in Portland.

I'll post the first section Of UHA3 here after it's written!

NaNoWriMo 2008 is almost here...

2008-10-31T14:48:00.000-07:00

Big News!

2008-10-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there's still some tweaks I want to make. There always will be. any artist will tell you they're never really finished with their work, but now I'm ready to let people read it--and this time I think they'll want to.

So now I just wile away the remaining weeks until November...
I think I'll...

DANCE!

Liberty and Justice for Pigs

2008-10-12T15:10:00.001-07:00

Have you ever read Animal Farm? If you've graduated from the eighth grade, I assume so. But even if you didn't, never fear because you can see it acted out riht here in the good old United States of America.

I hear tell that there are news programs questioning the eligibility of citizens to exercise their right to vote based on whether or not they are informed as to the issues. Basically, they say if you have little interest in politics, don't follow the news, or happen to be politically uninformed, you have no business voting.

I only pray that no one takes them seriously.

Listen, if you don't feel like watching the news and learning about the way your country works, that's your business and your responsibility, but don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't vote just because you're uninformed.

Uninformed you may choose to be—but you still have rights, you still have responsibilities, and if you feel like exercising them, DO IT!

And yes—the world would be a better place if everyone voted and understood the subtleties of political affairs. But when you start having eligibility requirements, or even discussions of 'who's fit and who's worthy' it harkens back to the grand ol' days of segregation—when they used to make African Americans pass impossible tests before they could vote.

And that is in direct contrast with the 'all people created equal' creedo by which this country makes its claim to greatness.

I see a future before us. An unfortunate one in which people, knowing that they're perhaps not as smart as others, surrender unto those others their rights. And from there it's a short slide down the slippery slope to the single commandment of Animal Farm:

"All Animals are Equal, But Some are More Equal Than Others."

Home Stretch

2008-10-09T11:27:00.000-07:00

I'm on the last 10 pages of UHA round 3 revisions and i start my new job in just over a week. Hopefully I can make it through, but the difficulty increases as i near the end. Even so, I'm hopeful, because after I finish final revisions I'm going to tell everyone I've written it.

Aside from that, this is the reason I put off editing last night:
I made another youtube poop. I know, I know it's terrible, but I get theses great Ideas and they won't let me rest until I've made them.

Anyway, posts may be few and far between once I move away to start my new job, so I want to make these last ones count.

So, without further ado, here is YTPMV: MAH coin operated BOIII

I finally got a job

2008-10-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

Yes, you heard right. I am among the ranks of the employed. Don't ask me what I'm doing, ut it's a professional, degreed position. Only problem is, I'm going to have to move away from Corpus. Sigh...

In other news, I made my first YouTube Poop. Normally, I wouldn't waste my time, but I got the idea and couldn't resist. Enjoy.

2008-10-03T12:08:00.001-07:00

So this is my tribute to the most iconic villains—the ones that make you want to be bad.

Supervillain : The Monarch

He’s ruthless. He’s cunning. He’s… a little out of touch with reality, but let’s face it; The Monarch is all about villainy. From his legions of expendable footsoldiers to his arsenal of specialized weaponry, his penchant for overly dramatic monologues, and his unsettlingly hot second in command, The Monarch exemplifies everything great villains hope one day to be.

The Monarch is a satire, a composite of many ridiculous animal themed bad-guys of comic book yore who take themselves too seriously. But The Monarch is (or more specifically his creators, Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer are) in on the joke. But his larger than life presence and sharp tongue make him an instant winner.

Honorable mention: Dr. Ivo Robotnik

Anti-Villain : The Brain

The Anti-Villain is someone who does bad things for a good cause and the Brain’s got no shortage of immoral schemes to seize control of the world, and he uses a new one every night. It goes without saying that, once in charge, Brain would use his massive intellect to make the world a better place, but somehow his schemes never seem to work out…

Honorable mention: Magneto

Dark Lord : Darth Vader

It’s been said before, but that’s probably because it’s true. To summarize what’s been said by everyone else, when you think of evil, you think of this guy.

Honorable mention: Ganondorf

Force of Nature : Koschkey the Deathless

A larger-than-life character from Russian folklore, Koshckey is the undefeatable badass who lives in an unreachable keep far away. He invented the art of princess kidnapping. What’s the secret of his power? He can only be killed by finding his “death”; a seemingly inconspicuous object hidden inside a bunch of crazy crap.

Even if you knew how to kill him, it would probably seem like more trouble than it’s worth.

Honorable mention: Nazgul

Mad Scientist : Roger Chillingworth

Also known as The Leech, he was the veiled villain in The Scarlet Letter who is out for only one thing—revenge. Chillingworth is a physician (a doctor) and is on the cutting edge of his field. Though we never learn his real name, all of the main characters know exactly what he’s up to and yet do nothing to stop him. Chillingworth’s idea of revenge means keeping his target alive for as long as possible while the victim, in this case The fallen preist, Arthur Dimmesdale, tortures and attempts to end his own life via any means but the most direct.

Chillingworth keeps Dimmesdale healthy no matter how little he eats or what he does to himself. He clings to Dimmesdale like his namesake, the leech.

Honorable mention: Hojo (Final Fantasy VII)

Trickster : Robot Devil

Brute force is overrated. If you really want to get people to do what you want, why not make a deal? Though his plans may be ridiculously circuitous, they’re fun to watch. Plus, he’s got the look.

Honorable mention: Reynard the Fox

Religious Nut : Manah

LALALALALA… The throaty chorus resounds in your ears as the massive army bears down on you and the red eyes glare, and you never find out until the end *spoiler alert!* she’s a seven year old girl. Sure, she may have repented in the sequel, but that game sucked.

As the primary villain from the underrated videogame Drakengard, Mana’s scary. She sings, and she dances, but when she does it, neither of those things seem so cute. She also employs thousands of soldiers, dragons, and ogres with her hypnotic voice, murders goddesses in cold blood, and lets nothing get in her way. Especially her twin brother. And all because her mommy didn’t love her enough…

Honorable mention: Reverend Henry Kane (Poltergeist 2)

Archenemy : Capt Jas. Hook

From the book, not the movie (or, god forbid, the play…)! The movie did a fair job of capturing the character of Captain Hook, but omits certain juicy details present in the book.

Captain Hook is both refined and barbarous, enjoying the fine music of his harpsichord one moment and disemboweling his bungling underlings the next. But underneath his elegance and bravado is an almost endearing insecurity—and his obsession with ‘Good Form.’ Of course, its self defeating because even to consider whether one’s actions are indeed good form is… bad form. Hook is both anathema and compliment to Peter Pan; opposite in almost every way, and equal in many, Hook is obsessed with defeating Peter Pan, but ultimately is defeated by his own dual nature.

Honorable mention: The Joker

Wedding Bells!

2008-09-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

No, not for me! I just came from a friend's wedding, and I have to admit that as long as my family's not at them, I enjoy weddings. Hopefully soon I'll have a video of our crazy dance.

But it invariably gets me thinking, as it does many, what will my wedding be like?
I mean, assuming I find some female worthy/stupid enough to sell me her soul for a lifetime of terrible puns and proofreading prose, how would it go down?

Well, here are a few things I've determined:

My wedding will be include a battle between the best and worst man.

It will be held in someplace hard to get to--a mountain, or a canyon--to keep the riffraff and old people away.

It will most definitely be secular, and the minister will be dressed as Master Chief.

There will be swords involved. Lots of them.

In lieu of cake, we will cut the ceremonial Wedding Steak.

There will be no diamonds. NO DIAMONDS!

I don't actually expect to have many of these dreams fulfilled, so I'm going as big as possible. I hear the woman controls *ahem* most of the wedding choices, and I can live with that as long as I get one thing in return:

Complete control over the music.
I'll spare you the complete playlist, just know that there'll be plenty of Tchaikovsky, techno, and country songs. One detail I will leave you with is that instead of Wagner's bridal procession from Lohengrin, We'll be walking down the aisle to the tune of "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money. And needless to say, I won't be dancing because I'll be too busy DJing the reception.

So that's pretty cool, I guess. Big things Lie in store for the lucky lady who finally wins this:

I've been feeling a lot of rage today...

2008-09-14T19:17:00.000-07:00

...not sure what its stemming from. All I know is that I have this weird urge to hurt people, or at least piss them off immensely. So I made these nifty images, which are copyright to me all rights reserved...

I'd be more cautious if anyone ever read this blog.

Anyway, Ike never made it to Corpus Christi, so Yay, or whatever.

And in regards to the major updates I was planning--I realized that I should focus my time on completing the revisions to UHA, then once it's out for testing complete my updates.

Only it sucks because I'm stuck on this ONE line...

So until I get over my editing woes, I'll just try and grapple with my unrequited hate...

Dhurricane Watch!

2008-09-09T17:02:00.001-07:00

Hello, readers (my only reader [me, two weeks from now...]) Big news down here in the gulf-- Hurricane Ike cometh.
While it may be common knowlege that Hurricanes Hardly ever Happen in Hartford, Heretford, and Hampshire, here in Texas, they happen nearly as frequently as shit. Yes, every year we are visited by the huricane season, but I like to think of it as a sort of reverse christmas; it's very hot, vacation ends, and instead of the prospect of gifts, we go to sleep on hurricane eve dreaming of all our existing posessions being taken away.
Unlike Hurricane Dolly, there are no happy songs inspired by this 'Ike,' but this time I got a comprehensive weather imaging system to surmise Ike's threat level:

As you can see from the weather map, Ike is charging his iLAZORs and focusing them on the coastal bend. Evacuation orders have yet to be issued, but judging from this path projection, it's going to be a big, fiery fucksplosion.

Here is a photo taken from orbit of Hurricane Ike, and although he looks different from space, the threat is no less evident. Projections have it listed as anywhere between a heavy three and a light five.

Because of the approaching storm, it may be a whle before I post again, but when I return, I am planning a heavy revamp of the blog, featuring a gallery, pages for my projects, and a navigation system--not to mention a new logo and color scheme. So check back when the sky clears!

This could be the worst storm since 2004, when Hurricane Kirby ripped through Florida...

KHII Review-- What the hell? it's only two years old...

2008-09-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

I played KHII again, all the way through, and it's time for a(n at-this-point-completely-unneccessary-seeing-as-how-the-game-has-been-out-forever) review.

So, I played the original Kingdom Hearts--it was awesome--defined an era of my (late) childhood. And i waited faithfully for three years until the sequel.
Maybe that was too long.
Maybe I was too old.
Maybe it just wasn't as good.
But for some reason, I didn't enjoy this game as much as I thought. It's kiddie. Moreso than the original which, despite being about kids, dealt metaphorically with some heavy concepts and was enjoyed by many grownups--one of whom recommended the game to me.
Kingdom Hearts II plays like a bad anime--every bad anime you've ever seen. In fact, this accounts for the large number of bad-anime-loving-weeaboo KH fanpersons out there.

For one thing, the dialogue is a little on the... dumb side for lack of a better word. It can be painful to listen to, a failing made worse by the editing, which leaves HUEG gaps between each line, even during the most tense and dire cutscenes. You know, the kind of thing where the bad guy cuts himself off mid-sentence about half a second before the good guy yells, "stop!"
And, of course, there are the typical 'faganime' actions and mannerisms of the characters--like talking in unison, humor that falls flat, etc...

On my first playthrough, I found the story to be extremely convoluted and dissappointing. After researching a little bit, I've found that it's not actually that fucked up, compared to what's out there it's actually fairly epic--but the writers and scenario directors didn't do a good enough job of explaining it. The first game's plot was fairly straightforward; the second game is filled with 'twists' and 'intrigue' that the player knows little about, but ultimately doesn't care about, and in the end doesn't find out about.
Case in point: Roxas. We're supposed to give a shit about some new guy and care who he is and what happens to him? And then be shocked when !SPOILER ALERT! Roxas is Sora's NoBody! OMG, WTF, who's Roxas?
The worst part of this comes when the twists are exposed. The writers in this game fell for the classic pitfal of 'show don't tell.' Whenever we, the players need to know something, one of the characters clumsily explains it in a cutscene--instead of being allowed to witness it for ourselves in a cutscene.

For all its narrative failings, KHII is a fun and enjoyable game. Gameplay is smoother than the first, and faster, due to expanded menus, customization options, and combat modes, but overall it's shorter due to the lack of space on the PS2's disks.
The gameplay has a few flaws, the biggest of which has less to do with the actual play and more with the levels in which you play. There are too many repeat worlds! We don't need to see atlatica again (especially if we're going to sing...), Halloween town adn agrabah were completely wrapped up the first time and have no need of a weaker, anime inspired story for us to visit them again.
The worlds that were new suffered from a case of anime-ism that made them painful to play through as well.
*please note that, while I am unfavorably comparing KHII to anime, I am not an anime hater; anime can be very entertaining if done right. my major complaint is that KHII seems to demonstrate only the worst qualities of anime.

The blame for all this rests squarely on the shoulders of Tetsuya Nomura, the game and all its characters' creator. Nomura made KHII for himself--because there were things he wanted to do that he didn't get to do with the original (he said so in interviews), so he made this Kingdom Hearts1.5 in the same vein as Robert Rodriguez's 'El Mariachi 1.5: Desperado.'

On a side note, one of Nomura's problems is that he is falling prey to a lesser known writer's disease: reverse mary sue-ism.
For those of you don't know, Mary Sue is a fictional archetype who is a the author of a story inserted into that story as a character. She is perfect in every way and steals teh love interest and fame from the real main character. Frequently found in fan-fiction.
In reverse mary sue-ism, the author tries to become their most popular, awesomest character--in Nomura's case, Cloud Strife of Final Fantasy VII. There are only two cases of RMSS known to me: Tetsuya Nomura and Alexandre Dumas, who tried to become his eponymous Count of Monte Cristo.
The consequences of RMSS can be dire-- Dumas spent himself out of house and home trying to emulate the lifestyle of his role-model and died in poverty. Let's just hope Nomura doesn't try to inject himself with JENOVA cells...

Before/After

So there's my review of Kingdom Hearts II.
TL;DR? Play it, but skip the cutscenes.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not bashing the KH series. I like it, I own all the games so far and I'm not planning on getting rid of them. I just hope for better in the future.

You know what I hate?

2008-09-05T08:33:00.001-07:00

How I can never manage to snuff out that last little glimmer of hope in the depths of my cold, black heart. It's maddening. Because no matter how much I know I'm not going to get something, the tiniest part of me still thinks it's possible—AND I HATE IT!!!!

You see, the problem is it is never possible. It most likely never was. So all the hope does is torment me—gnawing away, growing despite the number of times I step on it—until I accept it. Then, once I find out what I knew all along, my rage and despair is all the greater, not because I had hope snatched away from me, but because I knew all along and couldn't listen.

They should have concentration camps that you can go to if you don't want to feel anything anymore. The ironic thing is I wouldn't be able to afford it…

My darlings. I’ve murdered them.

2008-08-25T17:48:00.001-07:00

Here's a little skit about my current progress editing UHA:

But I really like that scene. It's funny, and I have good memories characterizing those… characters.

Well how do I fix it?

MURDER?? I can't—but I want the book to be good…

Well, that was painful, but it probably gets easier. This is why writers have to be sadists. You have to give birth to a bunch of people you really love, force them to undergo the most trying and painful experiences of their life, and then, when they're not working properly, you have to erase them withut a second thought.

Mario! Wario! ...LUCARIO!

2008-08-22T11:09:00.001-07:00

I love this song. It won the grammy award. For what, you ask?
For best techno remix EVAR MADE.

In other news, I've applied to a few more jobs, ranging from Gamestop monkey to Drug rehab counselor.
So we'll see what come of that.

I'm going to be doing a special offer for NaNoWriMo this fall; Every participant from Corpus will have the offer for me to make a banner for their signature detailing their book.
Also, now that I have Audacity, I can record my own sound files and hopefully contribute to the podcasts.

I'm addicted to another show...

2008-08-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

Code Geass. I've already watched most of it at the link provided above. And as I watched, I noticed that it bars many similarities to the movie V for Vendetta, which I also watched recently.

That's not really a Bad thing, I mean it happens all the time that plots get recycled. Only, in the old days, it would take a decade or so. Maybe a Century. Seems like the Japanese are getting a jump on cultural recycling...

It has other elements, so it's not an outright rip off. I actually think that this is what they ere trying to do with Gundam: Seed, only here, they do it successfully.

Besides, there are other shows that do the same thing, and they're okay. Popular, and also with a coherent and enjoyable plot.

Take Narootoe [sic] for instance.

Facts:
Main Character is an orphan, outcast by society, and bears a strange mark. But he has strange and inexplicable powers...
Around his eleventh year, he is accepted to ninja [wizard] school, where he learns jutsu [magic] and makes friends.
Eventually, the underlying plot is uncovered, revealing the main bad guy, who:
1. Was Sealed away somewhere.
2. Is seeking Immortality.
3. Has a snake fetish.

There are quite few more parallels, and also some significant differences.
I'm not a diehard fan, but I can watch it when it's on and not fly into a rage.

Which is more than I can say for some other shows...

Random style post

2008-08-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

I'm plot bunnying again. I've had 4 cool ideas for stories in the last week.
And as usual, I'm shirking my UHA edits.
Here's one of my older aborted ideas...

Sephiroth: The Musical!

I still want to do it someday, but I'll have to play Crisis Core first. Then write some songs.
Then the libretto. It'd be easier with a collaborator.

Hey, Leave me a comment of you want to collaborate!

The ideas currently occupying my brain include:
superheroes
jukebox musicals
sports dramas
short story spinoffs of UHA

In other news, I'm still looking for a job, but now I have less idea than ever what I want to do. Besides writing, I mean, but I don't want that as my real job...

So here's a list of jobs I would be enjoy:
archaeologist/adventurer
supervillain
lounge singer
guy who makes babies cry on film (I think they call it, 'baby wrangler')
consultant
pirate or privateer
psychopomp
funeral photographer
internert meme
cartoon character
voice over guy in movie trailers

...that's a pretty good list. Maybe I should start my own careers institute. Be my own boss.

Well, that's it until I decide to put something cooler on here..

Picture Dump Day!

2008-08-14T09:48:00.000-07:00

It's a scrumptious, sumptuous, dumptuous day!
Here's the cover I imagined for my novel.
Here's the poster for UHA, the one I'm always talking about editing, but never actually editing...
Here's a poster I made for UHA2, the little sequel that could
This is the promo banner for UHA3, My nanowrimo 2008 project

UHA Logo

The Harrowing Story of My NaNoWriMo Victory

2008-08-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

I had spent all of October in the magic, fantastical Limbo that comes only from a writing project you cannot do anything but work on. It wasn’t planned. The Idea morphed from a short story I wrote into this unstoppable beast with songs, and art, and me staying up all night, every night—awakening at 4:30am to scribble down good rhyme schemes or bits of dialogue—skipping class, and meals, and work too, when I could avoid it…

But I knew I had to have it complete by the time November began, or shelve it and lose this burst of creativity forever.

I almost made it.

November came, and I dutifully laid my one-true-love aside for the beginnings of my second NaNo.

I hated it.

The story, a sequel to my previous NaNo winning narrative, had rested in the back corner of my brain’s refrigerator, and was now covered with green fuzz, and unappetizing.

I stayed with it anyway.

Eventually (obstinately), I managed to choke it down. It became bearable. Barely. And as I inched closer to the finish line, in spite of the miraculous recoveries I made after multiple week long hiatuses, I developed a love, if not for the whole book, then at least for certain well-written scenes. And with three days left I had ten thousand words to go. It seemed that, like Laverne and Shirley, I was gonna make it after all.

Then disaster struck.

About an hour into my evening writing session, my vintage 1997 laptop suffered a heart breaking accident. An accident so minor, and yet with such catastrophic ramifications, it plunged the whole of my writing career into jeopardy, and me into a blind, screaming rage.

It was close to midnight on the twenty-seventh. I had a little more than seven thousand words to go. And the spacebar—the one thing I needed to type more than one word for the whole rest of the novel—had broken. It was beyond my ability to repair, and my options were few; my desktop had a non-functional floppy disk drive and matching broken USB hubs. I had been moving files off and onto it from a personal wiki website, but the laptop was too old for internet. It seemed that with nothing more I could do that night, I would have to retreat temporarily to the solace of sleep, conceding defeat in the battle, but vowing to return the next day with reinforcements.

“NO!!!” screamed the raging, livid temper in my head. “John, if you put this down now—if you walk away and leave this for later—you will never finish it. You know the driving principle, the very reason for NaNoWriMo’s existence: ‘Later Never Comes.’”

“You’re right, voce of rage,” I said, gathering my willpower and searching the floor for my clothes. “I have to end this tonight.

“If I want to win this war, I have to do this tonight.”

The laptop’s spacebar was broken, but its floppy drive still worked. I hurriedly loaded my unfinished story onto a battered floppy disk and headed out the door.

To the University.

It was too late for the library to be open, but the classrooms were often left unlocked on weeknights. I had snuck in many a time before to watch movies on the colossal projection screen.

But the last time I had been caught.

Luck was in my favor as I pried apart the sliding doors, their motion sensors asleep. Unseen, I made my way to the biggest classroom on campus. A sea of empty chairs stared back at me in the dim light. I took my seat at the teacher’s desk, logged on to the computer, and began my work.

It seemed the very world and all that was in it was against my completing this novel. Outside, the frigid November wind screamed its protest. My fingers were numb from waking through it, and the keyboard was foreign and uninviting. The fluorescent lights flickered, threatening to leave me in darkness. And all the while the sea of silent seats, staring like sentinels, looked on, waiting to see my failure.

I finished at 4:30am.

And I liked it. My story no longer made me cringe because the ending I had written—laden as I was with pressure, nerves, drowsiness, and fear of getting caught—was outstanding. And it should be noted that I don’t use caffeine when writing. I uploaded my novel to NaNo word counter and my private wiki. I had achieved the impossible.

It was going to be a good day.

But I would end up sleeping through most of it.

OH. YOUR. GOD. I am so glad no one can see me right now…

2008-08-12T11:05:00.001-07:00

I cannot stop watching the Olympics! I HATE the Olympics! …or rather, I used to hate the Olympics… Now, however…

Did you seeee- how Boukpeti won the bronze in whitewater?! Was that not phenomenal!? Ohh, for the first time in my life I wish I was a sports person! It's making me wish there was an audience for writers—you know, yelling, cheering, chanting—the spontaneity of the crowd fuelling your performance! I just have to keep teling myself to wait for November. And NaNoWriMo. That's about as close as a writer can get.

Don't get me wrong; It's not like the Olympics is without its flaws, and I can see that. Some of those smarmy commercials was going on about how once every four years everyone all over the world will come together . . . except Iraq, right? Because fuck those guys, they can't play with us anymore L. Also, the commercials themselves are pretty smarmy. And all the product placement is a little tiresome, even though it helps to pay for all the expenses. Further to that point, I've heard that the last Olympic village in Athens is becoming a new set of ancient ruins instead of helping to boost its nations economy like it's supposed to.

But despite all its bad points, I'm not ashamed to admit I've been sucked in to the Olympic Games. Except to anyone whom I've told that I hate it.

So that is, I guess, everyone.

GO TEAM USA!

You know, I’ve been drinking—I mean thinking…

2008-08-10T20:06:00.001-07:00

*RANT ALERT*

I saw one of those pictures of hippies vs. militia and the hippies were giving them flowers in protest for peace. This shows that even peacemongers make the same mistake as war guys. Failure to communicate, caused largely by ethnocentrism.

The hippies were operating under the belief that everyone should adopt their values: pacifism, indiscriminate sex, and religious drug use—exactly like everyone else in the world!

Everyone thinks they know best. Well, to be fair, you can't really blame them for that; it's human nature. It's part of our self esteem function. But it's consistently taken too far. Nobody knows best, nothing is absolute. Recall the words of the Different Strokes themesong. It's true.

Regarding the photo with the flowers, here's what the hippies should have done if they were really serious about this whole 'peace' experiment. They should have researched their adversaries in an attempt to understand them. Find out what they like instead of assuming they liked flowers like the hippies did. The flowers were needlessly theatrical and gay; they were trying to make a scene and that's where they fucked up. No sensible person likes to have foliage foisted on them. Ask the Hare Krishnas.

Let's explore a scenario:

Armed Guys: "Alright, all you filthy Hippies! Get out of here or I'll blast you all with my comically oversized gun!"

Protesting Hippies: "Hey, Hey man. No need to shout. This is a peaceful protest. Here have a flower some drugs, or maybe a beer. It must be pretty hot under all that armor and black clothing."

Armed Guys: "Oh… Uh, thanks. It is pretty hot out here."

They both drink.

Armed Guys: "Wow, that hits the spot. Thanks you guys. But seriously though, you'd better leave. Now's not a great time for a protest."

Protesting Hippies: "Yeah, I guess we've made our point. We'll get going, even though we totally have a right to assemble."

Armed Guys: "We'll see you later."

Protesting Hippies: "See you around, man."

See? Wasn't that so much better? Both sides got something, and it was made clear—but more importantly, understood—that they would both return to continue communications.

So when you're ever in an argument remember: It doesn't pay to start the drama unless you speak the other guy's language.

The day before tomorrow

2008-08-10T19:47:00.001-07:00

Written 8/2/08,

So it's the day after my surgery and I feel great. I can talk normally and even sing (albeit with a little soreness to my throat). Also, my sister hates me for recovering so fast.

Anyway, I already missing beef and stuff. Well, I have yet to begin UHA rewrites, but my current plan is as follows:

Type up revisions
Print
Ask anime-fags to read it
Check for signs of fanboyism
1. If yes, SCORE
2. If no, see step
Ask real humans to read it
Barring significant rewrites, query publishers/agents
????
Profit

So as a further double edged impediment/boon to my writing, my dad will be gone for a month. This means I will not have to keep my writing a secret, which should help the pressure, and also that I can do whatever I want, which will include anything but writing.

I had a blind date last week, which seemed to go pretty well, but there wasn't any real connection.

And I still need a job. Maybe I just need to volunteer w/ the mentally handicapped. My sister is quitting her job helping a boy with cerebral palsy to go to college, so maybe I can get her job to help me get that job in Boston.

But I still need to decide whether I want to get my CELTA certification. Also, were I to take her job, I would have to move back to George West AKA H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8H8-ER town.

Decisions, decisions…

Wisdom

2008-07-31T22:18:00.001-07:00

So I'm having my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. So… no more wisdom for me. I went out and ate a bunch of food I won't be able to after the operation. Spicy stuff, crunchy stuff, you know.

In other news, I was rejected from another job after two very promising interviews. Kind of a downer there. I'm beginning to think that maybe a drastic act is the answer…

But on a lighter note, I'm almost ready to start casting pods. If I could only think of something to do a show about…

I'm planning to begin typing edits to UHA as I recover from surgery. I'll be out of town for a while, so I hope to get a lot done, but based on previous experience…

Whatever. Later.

This was me when i finished 2nd round UHA revisions...

2008-07-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

Crossed the finish line before dinner.
So now it's back to the computer again to type up all the revisions I made.

But lately I'm getting the urge to start a new project... I guess it must be the plot-bunny in me.
Well, look out for exciting things now that I can make gifs.

The Aftermath

2008-07-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

well, Dolly's done for (but the songs are still in my head) and now all that's left is to clean up the wreckage.

i have a job interview today, not one i really want, but one that would be better than many others.
updates later on how it turns out.

*update. Just back from the interview, i think it went really well, except for the fact that the person who was supposed to interview me wasn't there.

Oh, well, i have a bigger bone to grind (i know, i know, i just mixed cliche metaphors): typing tests.
two interviews i've had so far included a typing test. i did far better on this one than the last (thank you, regular blog entries) but i'm still a little Pissed off at the futility of it.

i sat there taking this thing over and over for half an hour just to get an extra bleeding 2% on correctitude. that's right, in the age of spell checkers, they want 95% or better. 93%'s just not good enough. but considering the fact that yu'll have to run spellcheck either way, if you're going to bust balls, shouldn't you up it to 100%?

anyway, as most of you know, i don't expend a great deal of effort in these online posts (see this post) so, naturally a typing test based on accuracy is going to irk me.

i'm beginning to wonder now whether my lack of proper formating may be detrimental to my readership, and i'm thinking it is, so if i remember, i'm going to start typing my entries in word adn posting them up later.

see ya

Hello, Dolly!

2008-07-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

So it's day one of hurricane Dolly's wrath, and i feel down and out, so i think i'll put on my sunday clothes.
as some of you may have guessed, this entry will be filled with allusions to the musical.

so far we've only had moderate rain, tornado warnings and scattered showers, but nothing serious.

a few hours ago, dolly was mostly green on the radar, but look at the old girl now, fellas! redder than a firecrotch on st. patrick's day.

i have already gathered everything i own that's irreplaceable into my bag, but i want to back p all my files on this computer.

it only takes a moment to be sucked into a hurricane.

*update! i have recently learned of a few file hosting websites that host things for free...
this opens u some interesting new possibilities-- for one thing podcasts, for another, e-books! now i can host e-books on the site! so look forward to that feature.*

in other news, i have confirmation that my application to shriver medical center was received on not one, but two fronts. on top of that, a stopgap employer i applied to called me back today, but i was busy, so unfortunately i was unable to talk for very long.

i'm going to try to do some writing today. something's brewing in here; i can feel it!

so, baring annihilation, further updates as conditions worsten!

Okay, so here's what I'm thinking...

2008-07-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I've got this idea, see...
I want to do a serialized fiction on a new blog. i have an idea for teh story, and i'm gonna go ahead and save project Gold for future NaNoWriMo's.

But i think that right now my life is in a bit too much upheaval. You know, living with my dad, looking for work, all this crap. On the surface, since i have oodles of free time it seems like the perfect time to write, right? but in order to work my best, i need structure. and that's what's seriously lacking for me right now.

So, starting whenever i get a job adn get settled in somewhere-- (and that could be anywhere from a matter of weeks to two years, depending on which plan i choose) get ready for fiction, the likes of which yout've never seen!

Banner for UHA3

2008-07-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

I made it in GIMP to post as my signature on NANOWRIMO's forums in the fall.
what do you think?

is it too busy? it think it may be a little too busy, but it's good for a first draft.
it's fairly symbolic; fans of the original will have some inkling of what's going to happen (if any of them ever make it here to read it...)
yeah, as it says on the picture, all your questions will be answered. probably. all MY questions will be answered, anyway, adn if your questions are my questions, prepare for answers.

even thought it will be the last book in the series, i still have plans to write at least three short stories to fill in the gaps. they will all take place before the events of the UHA1, so it will be a lot different adn a little bit of a challenge for me, but you can find out more about them if ou happen to have membership to my special, super-exclusive UHA wiki!

only 10 spots are available, and most of them are filled, although none of them ever visit besides me, so if you get to be my really close freind, adn promise to visit every day adn contribute your little ass off, i'll bump one of them for you.

Also, it's a little reaching, but just in case anyone actually does read this, does anyone know if i can host files on this blog? is there any way? i'm pretty sure there's not, but it never hurts to ask.
if it turns out to be possible, i can put all kinds of great stuff up here- pics, e-books, ... pics of e-books?
okay,so i only really have two KINDS of things to download, but i have loads of those.

if it's unpossible, though, i'll just post some more up here.
until later.

A real treat, I guess...

2008-07-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

so anyway, because i'm so paranoid about my stuff being stolen, or unviable for publication, i don't post a lot of my a-game here. i hope you'll forgive me, but today, i've dredged up something from the past: a fake newspaper i created for my history and systems of psychology class!

it's a peice of work, i'm very proud of, but i couldn't preserve the formatting and most of the pictures are gone, so I'll be posting it piecemeal.

hope you enjoy it!

Article previews:

The Arts

Man Farts Loudly, Laughs Full Story, pg C2

Science pg F19

Fake Newspapers Are Stupid, Experts Say

The Arts

Man Farts Loudly, Laughs Full Story, pg C2

Your Number One Source for Lies and Slander

The Anachronistic Times

VOL. I….No. 1 GREGORIAN CALENAR 1950 FIFTEEN BUCKS

Articles:

Happy Birthday, VW Microbus!

The successor to the widely popular German beetle rolled off the assembly line today, and future filthy hippies rejoice. This icon of counterculture was designed by Ben Pon, who was looking for a way to increase the beetle’s aerodynamic performance. The Volkswagen type 2, or, kombinationskraftwagen, is likely a stepping stone for future automotive designers everywhere. The vehicle has ample room for both passengers and cargo, with a sleek profile, all from the good folks who brought you World War II!

Pat Benetar Still 3 Years Away From Being Born

Seers of the future agree with statesmen of the obvious, singing sensation Patricia Mae “Pat Benetar” Arezejewsky has not been born yet, and will continue to remain unborn for a further three years. Those that are particularly adept at reading the future suggest that she will be born in Lindenhurst, New York where she will study opera, divorce her high school sweet heart, marry her bassist, and eventually run with the shadows of the night.

Disney’s Cinderella #1 Movie of the Year

The first big hit since Snow White and the first full length feature since Bambi, Walt Disney’s latest cinematic vision is the top grossing film this year. Based on the Charles Perrault fairy tale, this charming tale of child abuse recalls the legend of the proverbial redheaded stepchild (though it’s really more of a strawberry blonde) as she struggles to marry a rich and powerful man with the aid of anthropomorphic rodents and a mystically obese, gibberish spouting benefactor who looks like my grandma. Premiering on Feb. 14^th, the film cost $3,000,000 dollars to make and featured three directors. It was also the first animated film wherein an unprecedented 90% of footage was animated using live action modeling beforehand. All that live action work begs the question, “Why animate the damn thing anyway?” While plans for two sequels are already in development, Disney plans to take a break from the Cinderella trilogy to pursue other stories.

It’s fortunate that this movie was a success, because without its box office revenues, Disney would likely have sunk and future classics like, The Black Cauldron and Tron will never have come to be.

Researchers Discover Amazing New Device under Couch Cushion

In an attempt to find change for the snack machine, engineers at the Zenith Radio Corporation excavated the area underneath the office couch only to find a device they call a “television remote control.” Apparently, this unique device allows its wielder to alter the volume or change the channel without having to move. Although at this stage, the remote remains connected to the television via an umbilical cable, Zenith plans to improve upon the model.

“We were planning on adding more buttons with different functions; like for instance a button that allows you to punch the person on screen in the face, or a switch that will control a pyrotechnic mechanism that shoots flames at you on the couch. Right now we’re beta testing a button we affectionately call, ‘bitch, get me a beer’ but the results are unfavorable so far.”

“Thank God we won’t have to walk to the TV anymore,” says Irma G. as she stuffs cheetos into her mouth, “my feet were killing me; I mean foot. I still get phantom limb syndrome even though I lost the right one to diabetes.” Irma’s joy is shared throughout the nation today, a truly momentous day for lazy people everywhere.

Carl Gustav Jung on Carl Gustav Jung: An Interview

By John Ellis

I recently sat down with renowned former disciple of Freud and suspected Nazi sympathizer, C.G. Jung in a revealing tell all interview.

No Photo Available

Me: Professor Jung, first may I say what a privilege it is for you to agree to peak with me.

C.G.: Thank you, the pleasure is mine. Its not every day that I get to meet the 105^th most influential man in history.

Me: So how’s India this time of year?

C.G.: Very nice, thanks. Emma and I are having a lot of fun. It has actually inspired my latest lecture series at Yale.

Me: Really? What about?

C.G.: The thin line between psychology and religion.

Me: Sounds intriguing. You’ve made many contributions to the field of psychology, but one that people find most difficult to accept is the concept of the collective unconscious.

C.G. Jung: You must have noticed that occasionally one may dream of a thing which he has never seen or heard of before. How do we account for such things? Just as animals are born with instincts, man must have a hidden community experience, passed on through heredity. It makes perfect sense.

Me: But psychological images and situations are much more complex than reflexes and instincts, aren’t they? How could you compare these two groups of things?

C.G.: Well, you’ve made a common mistake; I only meant the collective unconscious theory as a means to explain the similarities between different people’s dreams and fiction: you can’t deny the evidence is there.

Me: Sort of like your theory of synchronicity?

C.G.: Sort of, but that deals with real life, where the collective unconscious deals with dreams. Also, in dreams the meaning of the symbols is predetermined; with synchronicity, the meaning is ascribed by the individual.

Me: I want to switch gears for a moment. During the war, you were the editor for a Nazi newsletter, and recommended Mein Kampf as recommended reading. What is your response to these claims?

C.G.: Yes, well they’re both indisputable facts. In my defense I would like to point out that I only did that to the Germans from destroying psychology. At the time, it was viewed as a “Jewish science,” preposterous that there could be such a thing, and I did what I could to help the Nazi’s accept it. And I did it with the aid and support of my Jewish friends and colleagues. The years of World War II were times we all wish we could put behind us. They were times when many men were forced to do things they weren’t proud of, but we all made it through and humanity as a whole is smarter for it.

In 1943 I helped the united states’ OSS by analyzing the third reich’s top men.

Me: Who?

C.G. (looking pointedly at me): Top. Men.

Me: Before you go, I had dream that has been confusing me.

C.G.: Shoot.

Me: I was playing a videogame that degenerated into a documentary about Bugs Bunny.

C.G. and I then go through a lengthy word association session.

C.G.: I think you watch too much TV.

So there you have it. Not bad, Eh? sorry if the layout is confusing.

Awesomeness!

2008-07-13T12:23:00.001-07:00

I JUST wrote another fairy tale! and this one's a real winner, just like 'Ruthless.' maybe i'll post one of them on here.

updates all around, i've got a new photoediting program called GIMP. it's pretty sweet, all the sweeter since it's free. so anyway, because of that, look forward to new site headers.

i've applied to a pretty good job in boston. this one looks awesome, and i've got a contact on the inside, so it'd be great if i get it, though i don't want to jinx anything.

apart from that, i just can't stop thinking about WALL*E. it's a really great movie, and i've been to see it twice. it's a shame that the DVD doesn't come out till november, but at least that way, it'll be ready for my use with NANOWRIMO. Inspiration ahoy!

so, good stuff!

the reason why

2008-07-09T09:54:00.000-07:00

well, i'm back from my vacation and i had a good time.
if the mood strikes, i'll tell you all about it.

but first, 've been catching a little flack from some other sites about my typing.

namely, how a guy who claims to be a writer never uses capitalizations and who's writing is riddled with typo's.
well, these are semi-valid concerns, and by semi valid, i mean not valid.

this is the internet, guys. you don't waste a-game on the internet; even if anybody did read this, the mere act of theme being on the internet makes them less of a person. it's not worth it to take the time every time to properly format adn spell check each of the articles i write, because this blog is never going to be marketable, and i could spend htat time looking at porn, or spell checking that novel i've been working on.

and besides, at the end of teh day i'm doing this for me. not you. so i only need live up to MY stadnards. not yours.

oh, and that's right, i said 'stadnards.'
what are you gonna do about it?

...melancholy update...

2008-07-01T17:09:00.000-07:00

hey, folks. me again and i'm starting to lose hope. adn get bored.

the hard copy proofreading is't going as quickly for the second revision of UHA.

i still don't have a job.

i filled out an application to the CELTA program, but in doing so, felt a lot less confident about my odds of getting in. now i feel less confident about almost everything.

went to an al-anon meeting at a church today. it was all about god-style bullshit. i'm not that troubled by my parents' problems anymore, i just wish there was one person in the world i knew i could trust.

but... whatever.

i'll soon be gone for four days for the fourth of july family reunion where i will have to fend off the congratulations and probing questions of a dozen family members i don't know the names of.
maybe i can hide... it won't work for very long, especially not at meal times...

maybe i can be scary. that'll pretty much rule out any chance have to unwind, though...
maybe i can just skip most of it. actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea...
i can try to do some more proofreading...

well, i feel better now. but not much. later, bitches.

U H A ! U H A ! U H A !

2008-06-27T09:02:00.000-07:00

i have been editing my ass off for teh last three days and i finally reached the end of the original manuscript. and i think i speak for everyone who's ever read the novel when i say, FUCK YEAH!

in case i neglected to mention it before, UHA is the first in a series of novels i am writing. UHA2 is complete and out for testing, but it is on hiatus until i have time to look at it. UHA1, i am actively editing, and UHA3 is to be completed this November, during National Novel Writing Month.

so, my plans from here are as follows:

1) take the revised manuscript and add a few necessary scenes, possibly rewrite the opening.
2) print the revised, v.2 manuscript and mark it up
3) complete rerevisions to get v.3 manuscript
4) send to agents
5) ????
6) profit.

i am excited. it's great to have something to do, adn to see progres being made.

i'm going to a party later tonight, so i may have another post.
Laters!

Wow.

2008-06-21T00:37:00.000-07:00

also. i'm typing this incredibly drunk. and, three posts in one day; kudos to me!

so i just had the best night ever since as far as i can remember. i went to the pool hall and played po with a freind of mine, then we wnet to a country bars with some of my rferinds from high school. then we wnet to meet some of my freind's freinds at a technobar. it wa sooo funny! anyway his freinds had alreaady left when we goththere, so we went back to teh country bar.

and i realized, as i was on this little alcoholic oddysey: it's freinds that make it all fun. it's inside jokes, dancing a dance you hat with a girl you went to high school with and embarrasing yourself in front of half of the country-ass bar denizens in the coastal bend. it's making fun of the gargabtuan women eho shake it all by themselves on the dance floor. it's being one of the only two guys wearing t-shirts adn skater shoes, but most of all, it's doing it with freinds.

my lessons in fun have just begun.
i look forward to an amicable semester.

What teh hell is wrong with me?!

2008-06-20T18:42:00.000-07:00

i just spent an hour trying to get up the nerve to text someone. one of my freinds. because i've been sitting in this chair for the past week and staring at this computer.

but whenever i try to think of something todo for fun, this question comes up: what's the point?
sure, i could go to teh bookstore again, but why? to sit in a chair adn not read anything because then i'll want to buy it so instead i get bored and have to drive all the way across town back home.
yeah, that's fun.

but back to the first topic-- why am i so afraid to attempt to communicate with people? i don't think it's fear of rejection, i've ben rejected before and its not so bad.
i think it's a fear tha people will see how bad i am at trying to relate to them and laugh. or worse-- they'll find out i actually NEED them.

yes it's a tough thing to admit, but you'll go crazy living in a box with no outlet for your words. i know; i've been there. but if you don;t reach out and try, then it's your own fault when you actually do go crazy.

what i really want is to have a conversation. but it's hard for me to relate. not converse, i mean, i do that rather well, or at least pretend to. but beyond teh superficial-- an actual, meaningful conversation, about something i want to talk about for once! it's hard for me to connect with people on a meaningful level.

it's been said that great men are often lonely. but then my other mind asks teh question, "since when are you so great?"

fictional characters and truth

2008-06-20T13:44:00.001-07:00

fictional characters are some of teh most fascinating people i know. “…to quote a bible: ‘the water monster is right, cat man. They are among us.’”~Mark Cakes

you know, all fiction authors are deep down philosohers, we're just already aware of teh fact that we're fooling ourselves.

and all philosophers are in search of one great thing-- truth. truth is like nickelodeon gak. a sticky substance with a high viscocity. it runs all over the place, a little of it clings to every thing it touches once it's opened, and once it's opened, you can never gather it all up again. it's tough to pin down.

the author's way of considering truth is to construct an elaborate simulation in which fictional characters are dealt hypothetical problems and are forced to deal back. but all too often, they neglect to consider the most likely scenario-- that the character will simply avoid dealing with the problem. that's boring.

pilosophers work in a similar way, but they lack a narrative in which to frame their hypothetical scenarios. plus they smoke a lot of weed.

i never liked philosophers, but i've finally found one who doesn't piss me off. Mark "Baby" Cakes of Brad Neely's internet cartoons has much to say that is deep and profound, and completely true.

consider this excerpt fomr one of Mark's lectures which neatly outlines teh motivation of every one in real life, and most fictional main characters:
"…and there is always some poor kid who has a sucky life, but then he’s visited by someone from a hidden world of awesomeness who explains to the kid that the kid is the chosen kid, and everyone is waiting for him; to fight, and to win, and to accept treasure, and to accept love, and to rule the hidden world of awesomeness like the handsome little asshole that he is. Huh, happens all the time, right? I guess every one of us is just hoping to turn out to be one of those forgotten chosen ones, right?"

this ties the realms of fiction and the real world togather in a manner truly exemplary of their symbiosis, because while Mark's words are true for us, his own beleifs about them are warped. it took a fictional character to show us IRL the truth about what our life is like even though he never knew the real truth himself.

now that's irony.

UuuuUuuUuuuuuUuhhh...

2008-06-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

probably not gonna see a new project gold ths week. i'm depressed and in a really bad state to be writing. my living conditions currently are not conducive to creativity. it's unsafe.

but i did have a thought abut editing my novels. in them, i left all teh detials (i.e., city, state, street address, year, etc.) vague adn ambiguous because i thought that the reader would be better able to identify and become immersed in the story.

but a thought occurs.

in many other stories, everything is pinned down. everybody knows where harry potter lives. dracula's time of death can be pinpointed to teh minute. luke skywalker's family history is common knowlege (even if it is a spoiler). this makes me wonder: should i define some details?

i mean i know what they all are. every one of those questions about the world of UHA has an answer. but is it important for teh audience to know them?

i suppose it depends on the type of story i want this to be. the added details of teh above works make them more than just narratves; they become mythologies. facts (even if they're made up) prove that the story actually happened, or at least make it seem so. without them, teh tale becomes purely hypothetical, and teh hypothesis travels beyond the fourth wall. it becomes more like a folktale, or a tale of what could be.

so what do i want...

this happened?
or this could happen to you?
i guess i need to do some more soul searching...

*update
after thinking for ten seconds, it appears as if i'm telling a 'this happened' story in a 'this could happen to you' way.
i need to see if it works.
more testing.
back to the lab!

Good news, Everyone!

2008-06-11T22:09:00.001-07:00

aside from the obvious, i got another chapter of P:G done, i just found out something incredible.

a program called "jpeg book" can turn text files inot photos formatted specifically for reading on the
PSP. you know what this means... UHA e-books!

UHA is a series of novels i am writing and editing about characters who have problems and must deal with them. i've already written two books, but once i work out the kinks of this new program, i can sell e- copies of UHA online. so look for that on this site in the future.

also, while i was in austin, i passed by my old neighborhood-- ten years can do a lo to a slum. the place was gorgeous! freshly painted houses adn businesses. i barely even recognized it! it was like a wonderful dream... and the mot dreamlike part was my house.

what was once a white trash nest has been extensively remodeled into a 200,000$+ middle class haven with new evertything. full circle. also, miss murrow still lives across the street adn i stopped and said hi to her. had a nice chat. good to know the old girl is still going strong.
i even went to my old elementary school. talk about reminiscensce.

well, i'll have to save it for another time.

i'm back in corpus now and i have a big day planned tomorrow, so i gotta rest up.

Project: Gold Arc Zer0 Chapter 2

2008-06-11T21:20:00.001-07:00

He’s a Goober – natorial Candidate

≈(ģ)

“They are a street gang, a violent secret society, a radical revolutionary front. I’ve even heard some people say they’re a cult, but they’re a danger to you, a danger to this fine state of California, and I am not going to stand for it!”

The crowd in front of my podium cheered. Damn, I looked good in that suit.

“Our prison system is eroding; criminals are spilling out onto the streets, and unless someone does something— until someone does something, none of us are safe. Ladies and gentlemen, I am that someone.”

They were eating out of the palm of my hand, dude!

“If I am elected governor, I promise that you will all be safe. I will hire more police officers and give them bigger budgets…”

I flipped the channel.

“... but could Brinkman win?”

Could I win? Uh— yeah, dude! It’s easy to win when you’ve got a puppet enemy dancing in front of the people and holding their attention. And the other guy I was running against used to be a pop singer. I had this thing in the bag.

“Breaking news here at the top of the hour. The president has just been found dead. Apparently he was eating some cheaze-tose in his kitchen when one of them accidentally entered his windpipe, choking him to death. More on this as it develops.”

Oh, gravy. Dangle what I really want right in front of my face. I reached for the phone to call John and tell him we were going after the post of president earlier than planned. But then I remembered that the stupid vice president would just take over for him.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just been informed of a touchingly tragic turn of events. We have just received word that the vice president has committed suicide. A note was found alongside the corpse of the vice president indicating that he did not wish to live without his beloved commander in chief.”

YES. I picked up my cell phone and called John. We were going for the big prize.

well, shave my aspirations!

2008-06-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

so this is a special post-- live from ausin, Tx!

that's right, austin's olden golden boy has returned after ten long years.

i'm staying over at the hosteling international on the lake-- prety nice accomodations of 20$. anyway i'm in town for my first job interview after college. CPS. i know, right? irony...
but invariably, i've begun to think about the future and this of course means one burning question...

what am i gonna name my kids when i have them?

the girl i'm no too worried about, i'll probably just name her after one of my characters (i think 'green' sounds nice...) but i've begun to worry about the boy. see, my dada and i have the same name, and so does his dad, and maybe his dad, too. so i originally was planned on just naming the kid after me/ them. but recently, i've begun to think on that...

the purpose of my life has become "breaking the cycle" wherein maladaptive behaviors are passed on from parents to children (one of my greatest fears is that i will become one or both of my parents). as a result of this, i'm wondering if i shouldn't symbolically break the cycle by naming my kid something different.

i'm sort of worried that genetics and environment will conspire to make the little bastard a ball of al my worst qualities and teh name thing might tip the scales in environment's favor. but i also sort of want to pass on the legacy of teh family name. also i could dump al my monogrammed crap on him.

i guess i could adopt a kid adn name him after me. that way there'd be no risk of genetics screwing him over.

of course, it's a moot point any way. i've got to find a female to bear the children before i can name them anything...

more project gold coming later this week!

-- Project: Gold – Arc Zer0

2008-06-06T17:04:00.000-07:00

Getting Started

≈(ģ)

“Dude! I have got the greatest idea!” We were sitting in my tiny bedroom in my mother’s house. It was a warm evening in the summer in a small, Texas town, the name of which I have sworn never to speak again.

“Tell me dude!” I said. Mark looked excited. I knew it had to be a good one.

“Well, you know how California is full of joiners, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, adding under my breath, “buncha worthless, feculent…”

“So, dude, here’s what I’m thinking— we move to California…”

“Bluhh…” I sneered.

“And start a street gang…”

“Hmm?”

“Which we then turn into a personal army…”

“Ohh…?”

“To get me elected as governor…”

“Ha, ha.”

“Then president…”

“Cool…”

“And then use my power to take over the world!”

“Yes!”

“And John,” he said, “I want you to be my right hand man!”

“That’s perfect,” I said, rising from my seat on the corner of the bed. Of course, I knew exactly what I would do if I were second in command to the most powerful man on earth… but you’ll have to find out later.

By the way, if you haven’t managed to guess by now, I’m John; and I don’t like talking about myself, but you people will be wanting character descriptions and if I put them in later, you will already have had your own made up, and they’ll be wrong—completely— and then you’ll get all self conscious and then go read some other story, which probably won’t be as good as this.

So, anyway— Mark is short with dark hair, and I’m tall with long, bushy, blond hair. Stop laughing, you assholes; it distracts me.

To make a long, boring story short and boring, we eventually made it to California, where we bought a folding card table and some poster board and set up shop on the corner two streets that both had stupid names which made me mad.

“So how you gonna hook ‘em?” I asked Mark, glancing inquisitively at him. It was sort of a test, because if he couldn’t win people over, he’d never be a good leader.

“We get them with some phony cause that sounds all…”

“Media friendly?”

“Yeah. Oh, wait…” he reached below the table and put on an oddly carved wooden mask. It was painted black with purple embellishments.

“What’s that for?”

“To hide my identity. So I can run for governor later.”

“Aaahh…”

. . .

“Hey, here comes somebody!” mark said, straightening his abstract mask up and trying to look dignified. “Go talk to him, dude.”

“Eahh, I hate talking to people. You do it. It’ll be good practice.”

The guy was passing so we had to act, quick. Standing on his chair to make up for the height difference, Mark held out his hand forcefully in the universal signal for halt.

“HALT.”

I stood up beside Mark, folding my arms and glaring at the stranger like a hawk who hates whatever he’s glaring at. The bewildered man just stood still for a moment.

“WILL YOU BE THE FIRST?” Mark asked, lowering his hand as if to the grasp the man’s.

“The first what?” said the guy.

“HAVE YOU EVER FELT SOMETHING MISSING IN YOUR LIFE?”

“No, not really,” the guy answered.

“Uuh, well DO YOU JUST NEED A CHANGE OF SCENERY?”

“No.”

“. . . HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE?”

“…yeah!” he said as slow realization dawned on him.

“THEN JOIN MY PRIVATE INTEREST GROUP, AND TOGETHER WE WILL CHANGE THE WORLD!”

“…what’s a private interest group?”

Mark seemed to be struggling now. I bet he thought for sure he had the guy…

“Have you ever seen Fight Club?” I asked. The guy’s face lit up.

“Yes! I’ll do it!”

I’m just gonna gloss over the boring parts, but sooner or later we managed to get around a thousand people. With Mark at the helm under the mysterious moniker of “Maskerson,” and I playing the role of figurehead leader, we were all ready to get our plan for rule underway…

This chapter was pretty boring, but I’m just getting things out of the way. The real crazy crap doesn’t start happening till much later.

Check the subtitle, people; it’s a prequel.

bold new look!

2008-06-06T17:03:00.001-07:00

i like it. anyway, as promised, here's project gold, the first installment.

i'm back after almost 2 weeks!

2008-06-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

i went home to cow hick ass town (AKA george west, home of the NOTHING INTERESTING) for my sister's graduation. this meant a trip back to my old high school and being under constant threat of being recognized by former acquaintances. this inevitably ld to me being pissed off and paranoid the entire time.

not that i dislike my former acquaintances, i just hate having to force small talk.

but in any case, looking on the bright side, this means that i never have to go back there evar again, evrr.

so good news, everyone! i finally found a purpose for htis blog!
in addition to being my personal journal, it will now be a place to read some of my fiction (that also ought to give me something to write about, already).

so, to start, allow me to introduce one of my favorite long stories that has never made it mast timeline phase of production: Project:GOLD

it's the touching story of some crap that happens, in four movements, or as i like to call them, arcs. i haven't got titles for the arcs yet, but if i think of any, i'll add htem and remove this sentence so it looks i planned it that way the whole time.

so we begin with Project GOLD: Arc Zer0. (the prequil) sometime in the next few days!

snaffu...

2008-05-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

wow, okay. i clicked on 'save draft' on my last post and thought i'd come back adn post it later, but i don't know how to get to it.

oh, well. although it was a good post. it was about my (lack of) writing.

but seeing as how i just moved out of my apartment not an hour ago, that's understandable. the dream is over. hello, real world. the possibilities are immense and nearly overwhelming. they are when i look at them all at once. i can see the future sometimes, and a decision this big is not one to be scoffed at.

i could stay here in corpus, with the few freinds i've managed to accumulate.
i could move to austin, a town made for my art and medium- in whch i could launch a new identity and make my dreams of novelry come true.
or, could go to boston, a sort of compromise between the two, as i could live there for free like in corpus, and it's author freindly and student oriented. only problem is, it would cost all my money to get there.

the world awaits. but although it won't wait forever, i have no real time limit in which to decide.

the game is on and it's my move. too bad i never learned to play chess...
(i won't take my finger off the piece just yet)

well it's been a few days and i still can't beleive it

2008-05-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

so now it's two days since i graduated and i have to move out of my dorm tomorrow. all this stuff is kind of wreaking havok on my writing. i haven't gotten anything substantial done since halfway through the semester. hopefully after i find a job things will settle down and i'll be able to continue editing "UHA" #1. but i do have a deadline. i'm looking to apply to a screenwriting fellowship, the deadline for which is july 1. the story shows promise, but at the moment my heart is being swarmed with inspiration for another project in novel form. it would make a great movie, but do i really want to start all over?

this is a key dilemma for authors everywhere. follow your inspiration like an artist? or stay the course and plod on with your current project like a worker? well, it all depends- am i doing this as a hobby or as a job?

yes and no

Download Your Free Diploma from my .3 second course!

2008-05-16T17:16:00.001-07:00

SCHOOL OF "SHUT UP"

In recognition of successful completion of curriculum, this document hereby is to certify that the undersigned is an official graduate of the school of shut up and can shut up at anytime, in any way, forever. In the act of shutting up, you are allowing others to destroy themselves, and sidestepping the gooey mess of their combusted innards, metaphorically speaking. This diploma qualifies you to get 10% off on ice cream, but only on November 31^st. Also you have super powers, although they won't work if you don't believe. Another condition is that you can't show this diploma to anyone, or else the spell is broken. By the stroke of midnight the magic is at its most powerful, except in Alaska, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and some parts of Canada. That about covers it, so congratulations. Now you should imagine some kind of dramatic ending themesong to symbolize the completion of your journey. Sister Christian Oh the time has come And you know that you're the only one To say O.K. Where you going What you looking for You know those boys Don't want to play no more with you It's true You're motoring What's your price for flight In finding mister right— on second thought, that song's kind of depressing. How about this: My friend's got a girlfriend Man he hates that bitch He tells me every day He says "man I really gotta lose my chick In the worst kind of way…" No, that one doesn't really capture the mood. Estuans interius ira vehementi in amaritudine loquor mee menti: factus de materia, cinis elementi similis sum folio, de quo ludunt venti. Cum sit enim proprium viro sapienti supra petram ponere sedem fundamenti, stultus ego comparor fluvio labenti, sub eodem tramite nunquam permanenti. Feror ego veluti sine nauta navis, ut per vias aeris vaga fertur avis; non me tenent vincula, non me tenet clavis, quero mihi similes et adiungor pravis. Mihi cordis gravitas res videtur gravis; iocis est amabilis dulciorque favis; quicquid Venus imperat, labor est suavis, que nunquam in cordibus habitat ignavis. Via lata gradior more iuventutis inplicor et vitiis immemor virtutis, voluptatis avidus magis quam salutis, mortuus in anima curam gero cutis. Yeah. That's a good one. Well, it's getting late, I guess I'd better let you go. It was good talking to you. Good luck. Congradtulations!

Some Important Guy's Signature _____ ___

^{(You Sign Here)}

Today is the last day of the past of your life

2008-05-16T16:24:00.000-07:00

So, still one day till graduation. but at least i have some cool content. copy/paste this diploma and use it always.

Why no one will ever read this

2008-05-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

This is my blog. i dislike blogs. and blogging. it sounds wet adn sloppy. and not in the good way.

but i made it so i can practice writing every single day.

tomorrow i graduate form college adn set out into teh world to try to make my dreams come true.

what are they? too numerous to count. i guess i gotta start small-- basics first and all that. i feel a lot like that guy from that rankin-bass claymation christmas special. it think it was jack frost-- he wanted to be human, so he got the east wind or some shit to change him into a human. simple enough, right? but he wanted to stay human-- permanently. so here's the recipe:

in order to stay human forever, you gotta have a house, a job, a horse, and a wife.

so, i got a horse, or a truck, anyway...

i've never really felt human. don't get me wrong, it' not like i'm a furry or anything. it's more like i'm a monster. some kind of chimeric amalgam of everything i've ever seen.

well, i'm gonna try to be human.
oh, and one last thing. wherever i go next, i'm going to introduce myself as Jack. not in honor of the claymation dude. i don't even like christmas. it's a pasable nickname for me adn i feel in need of a new identity.

so, i'll be checking in from time to time... or every day... whichever is first.